I’m a bad feminist

My man’s love language is physical touch. And often times, as he’s nuzzling my neck in the kitchen or stealing a quick grope of my butt cheek when I pass him in the hallway, I wonder to myself “how can he love me when my body looks like this?”

As if my body is all there is of me to love. As if my worth is based on my attractiveness alone. As if my “fuckability” is all that matters.

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#AllInForAugust comes to a So-So close

#AllInForAugust Comes to a So-So Close

I didn’t meet my goals of staying 100% carnivore for August. I went so far off the rails that I even baked a chocolate cake and ate 3 pieces over the course of several days.

But I kept coming back to carnivore because with even the slightest deviation off plan, the achiness in my hips would flare, my moods went drastically haywire, and my gut was noticeably bloated.

The biggest success I have to report is that my god-awful toothache that had plagued me for weeks went away within the first week. There is some residual sensitivity from clenching my teeth while I sleep, but it’s nothing like the nonstop, almost debilitating pain that I had been numbing with high doses of Advil.

I also completed a 48-hour fast, which was surprisingly easy. I felt great and have decided to start a fasting protocol for my September focus.

I have always blamed my own willpower for my failure, but many nutrition experts agree that if you’re on a “diet” and can’t stay on the diet, then it’s not a very good diet. Carnivore is a way of eating, not a diet and I do believe in its merits. But I still have a dieting mindset and I did my darnedest to prove my story right that I fail in the second or third week. (The book Chasing Cupcakes and the author’s podcast Primal Potential is helping me address a lot of personal issues I have in this regard.)

At the end of the month of August, the scale read a loss of 4 pounds, which surprised me. I felt sure that I had gained. I was about 50% on-plan and 50% off.

September is starting with less structure, but I feel optimistic and ready for another bit of positive change. Carnivory, intermittent and extended fasting, lifting weights and a few other small self-care practices like journaling are all on my radar.

It’s a busy month with school starting and a hectic work schedule, but all of this will help me take back my life and harness this mid-life crisis before it gets out of control.

Mid-life crisis??  Yeah, as real and complex as it feels, that’s definitely a topic for another time.

What do you have going on in September?

 

 

The Daily Ramble

Feeling blah and unmotivated, I turned to a random page in a book I brought home recently and started reading:

#AllInForAugust – Week 1

Days 1-7 are in the books for my 30-day carnivore challenge. It hasn’t been without its low spots but there have also been some significant reasons to celebrate.

Successes:

• After 5 days back on this loose carnivore diet, the toothache that had been ruling my life for over two weeks, as well as the severe tooth sensitivity for the 2 months prior, completely disappeared. I can’t say that the diet is the cause, but it sure is coincidental timing, especially considering the countless testimonies I’ve read about improved dental health. I’ve been pain-free for 48-hours and can barely believe it. I had been researching crown extractions and trying (unsuccessfully) to find a naturopath/biological dentist. Fingers crossed the cause of the pain has been healed and I won’t need treatment after all.
• I logged (and enjoyed) 3 heavy weight workouts and moved as much as I could every day. My average daily steps were 7,500, which is adequate considering the time I spend feeding my baby and getting him to sleep.
• I didn’t see any decrease in breastmilk as I have in the past, which is great. That said, we are starting a slow weaning process because this little stinker does NOT want to quit biting me. It’s been months of pain and irritation, and I find myself getting very frustrated with him to the point that I need to walk away so I don’t scream.
• I wasn’t going to weigh myself until the end of 30 days, but I caved and stepped on the scale. Last Thursday it read 174.4. Today, one week later, it read 168.4. Six pounds gone. I’m aware that it’s water-weight that goes first; regardless it’s nice to see it headed in the right direction.
• I made it through a mini road trip, my band gig, a community festival, breakfast out, a fishing trip, cooking non-carnivore dinner for guests and several full days at home without incident. Time at home tends to be my biggest trigger so I’m purposefully not replacing pantry and snack items that get eaten up. I can’t wait to get to the point that I can clear out all unnecessary kitchen ‘schtuff’ after I’m successful on this way of eating for a certain amount of time.
• I was not 100% zero carb/carnivore, but I’m pleased with my resolve overall. Here are the non-carnivore foods I ate over the last week:
  • Couple Tbsp’s of heavy whipping cream
  • Spices
  • Couple Tbsp’s of Primal Kitchen unsweetened ketchup
  • Atkin’s shake
  • Brats have 3 carbs each
  • Bit of ranch dressing
  • Some fresh dill and chives in a homemade herb butter
  • Sriracha, apple cider vinegar and squeeze of lemon in my bone broth
  • A few zero calorie flavored sparkling waters
  • 2 cups of coffee over the course of the week
  • 1 spoon of natural unsweetened peanut butter
• Daily food choices consisted of 2-3 of these options
  • Ribeye steak
  • Bacon
  • Chicken thighs and drummies
  • Bone Broth
  • Brats
  • Meat and egg waffles

 

Challenges:

• I had a carb/sugar withdrawal headache and a bit of brain fog on Day 2, but I had been staying drugged up on Advil because of the terrible toothache, so it didn’t bother me very much.
• I noticed that when I didn’t start my day with a filling meal I was peckish and craving all day. Ribeye in the morning is the way to go for me.
• The first day of my period coincided with an accidental morning fast and that was the hardest day for me. Later that day, I let myself have the Atkin’s low-carb shake and decided to pay close attention to any further cravings the sweet taste might cause. It didn’t seem to impact me negatively that I could tell.
• Terrible cramps accompanied the start of my period, which is unusual. I gave birth only 8 months ago, so hormones … yeah.
• I haven’t had a solid bowel movement since Day 2. Sigh. I know this will pass as I get fat adapted, but in the meantime, it’s so unpleasant.
• My fuse was pretty short on days 3-7 of this week but I haven’t experienced much of the sadness or hopelessness that has been my norm lately.
• Feeling the desire for variety, I wander the house now and then looking in the fridge and the pantry to see if any carnivore foods might have magically appeared. Think I need to food prep for this next week! This is also a symptom of my carb addiction, I’m sure. I’m used to eating out of boredom and when I have stressful parenting moments. It’ll get easier, I’m sure.

All In For August

I’m not usually one to use or follow hash tags, but for the past week I’ve been looking for just the right motivation to help push me back on the health track I followed with some success over the past few months. Brute force will-power alone rarely works for me; I seem to need a whole program of sorts. Fortunately, in my perusing the interwebs yesterday, what should I behold but #AllInForAugust.

I do love alliteration.

My Hips Led Me Here

Normally, I wouldn’t share anything like this after such a short time, but two weeks into a new way of eating and I’m excited enough about the healing I’m experiencing that I want to talk about it.

Surrounded

Several times over the past week I sat down to write about the serious topics at hand and it just didn’t work. I thought I was ready, and I am, but life as it tends to do had other plans.

When it comes to writing, I’ve learned not to force it. It’s no good if I do. The words will come when they’re ready. When conditions are right. Like the weather. Or spring blooms. Or a good bowel movement.

“Mom, why is there poop on the carpet?” the six-year old asked loudly.

An Honor and a Privilege

At nearly nine-months pregnant, I recently made the 8-hour trip to Minneapolis/St. Paul to stand before an amazing group of people and nervously stammer out a Thank You speech. NAMI Minnesota (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chose my series on mental health in rural America written earlier this year for its Media Award.

The Kindest Letter to the Editor Ever

I feel the need to catalog these and may just go back further to do so. We all need a boost from time to time; I don’t want to forget the kind people who took a few moments to offer encouragement along the way.

From the March 6th, 2018 issue of the Warroad Pioneer